Don't Make Me Count to Three!, part 2 (Reproof)

I love Ginger Plowman. I wish I could take her to school with me. Here are some more highlights from Don't Make Me Count to Three:

• When to Reprove Children

1. When your child has sinned. A reproof is in order whether your child sins intentionally or unintentionally.
2. Before you administer a spanking. You should never spank your child without telling him exactly what he has done wrong and what he can do to make it right.

• When a Reproof alone is all that is needed

1. When the child has not been informed of the parent’s standard.
2. When the child is not characterized by the sin in which he was caught.
   

• Responding to Manipulators
1. “Younger children may cry, whine, beg, or throw a temper tantrum in order to attain whatever it is that they want. When they do this they are acting foolishly. And when Mom rewards the child’s sinful attempt for personal gain by giving him what he wants, she is responding foolishly."
2. “Older children may accuse, criticize, pout, ask “Why?” questions, give you the cold shoulder, or withhold affection in order to manipulate your response. When they do this they are acting foolishly. Mom may reward the child’s sinful attempt for personal gain by defending herself, justifying her actions, blame-shifting, answering the “Why?” questions, or arguing. When Mom does this she is responding foolishly."
3. Proverbs 26:4-5 “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him. Answer a fool as his folly deserves, lest he be wise in his own eyes.” If the child is stubbornly clinging to a foolish justification for his actions, avoid endless argument and move directly to discipline. Turn the focus away from the manipulative remark and onto the manipulator’s own heart and motives.

• Guidelines for verbal correction (I'm going to print this out for myself!)
  

1. Examine your motives. (Am I doing this because my will has been violated or God’s will has been violated? Am I doing this because his behavior has caused me some personal discomfort, embarrassment, or trouble?) Apply Gal 6:1 to yourself: “If someone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.”
2. Examine your life. (Have I provoked my child in some way? What is my example? Have I led my child into sin by failing to teach him? Have I given my child more freedom than he can handle?) Apply Matt 7:5 to yourself: “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your won eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
3. Choose the right time and place. (Don’t embarrass your child. Your goal is not embarrassment but repentance.) Apply Matt 18:5 “If your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.”
4. Choose the right words. (Don’t replace God’s wisdom with man’s wisdom. Call lies, disrespect, foolishness, and disobedience for what they are.) Apply Heb 4:12 “The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."
   
5. Choose the right tone of voice. (Don’t scold your child. Use a normal voice with carefully measured words.) Apply Prov 15:28 "The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things," and James 1:19-20 "Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires."
   
6. Be prepared to suggest a biblical solution. Apply Eph 4:22 "...put off your old self... and put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."