Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Don't Make Me Count to Three!, part 3 (The Rod)

Here's my final post containing nuggets from Ginger Plowman's Don't Make Me Count to Three. If you can't tell, I really like the book and highly recommend it to all moms!
(Men might not enjoy it so much for all the references to "moms" and womanly issues and for its conversational style. Ben picked it up and put it right back down after the first chapter. It might have been her reference to the "stick turning blue"? Maybe he can just glean from my notes!)
  • Why we use the rod:

1. It demonstrates faithfulness to God (He commands us to).
2. It demonstrates faithfulness to the child (Prov 23:12-14).
3. It imparts wisdom (Prov. 29:15).

  • Children are old enough to learn “No” when they are old enough to do something that requires you to tell them “No.”
  • Reasons that Spanking does not work:
    1. lack of consistency (Don’t issue a warning or command without following it through.)
    2. lack of persistence (Don’t give up after a few days/weeks. You reap later than you sow.)
    3. lack of effectiveness (You must inflict pain for it to be effective.)
    4. lack of righteousness (If we are sinfully angry or have wrong motives, the child will resent rather than repent and God will not honor our efforts. Have your child wait in his room while you pray for a few moments and get your heart right.)
  • Obedience should be all the way, right away, and with a joyful heart. Some traps which will sabotage our efforts at training to this kind of obedience:
    1. repeating yourself (teaches them to obey only after the second or third time)
    2. raising your voice (teaches them to obey after frustration has been displayed)
    3. wordly techniques (like counting—trains them to obey later. Expecting instant obedience leaves no room for question or confusion.)
    4. tolerating small acts of disobedience (J. C. Ryle said, “Beware of letting small faults pass unnoticed under the idea that it is a little one. There are no little things in training children; all are important. Little weeds need plucking up as much as any. Leave them alone and they will soon be great.”)
    5. waiting until the teapot boils (Don’t base discipline on mood and emotion. Discipline should be a self-controlled act of love.)

  • Don’t spank for:
  1. childish behavior (Childishness becomes foolishness when the child has been given clear instructions and understands those instructions but chooses to disobey.)
  2. inability to perform
  3. accidents (Spilling a drink, for example, unless the child spilled the drink in a place he was not supposed to have a drink.)
  4. before having all the facts (don’t jump to conclusions)
  5. while you are angry

  • When is the rod necessary?
    1. direct disobedience (the child was given clear instructions, understood them, and chose to disobey) Col. 3:20
    2. defiant attitude (rebellion expressed in actions, words, tone of voice, or facial expressions) Ps 100:2; Phil 2:14
  • Guidelines for administering biblical chastisement (I might need to print these out for myself in a year or so... or less.)
    1. Discuss what the child has done wrong and why it is your responsibility to spank him (his sin against God and your love for him).
    2. Guide the child in thinking through what he should have done.
    3. Use the proper instrument as your spanker (to bring pain without bruising).
    4. Let the child know how many swats you will be administering (demonstrates your own self-control).
    5. Spank as promptly after the offense as possible (especially with younger children).
    6. Administer the spanking in private.
    7. Administer the rod to the child’s bottom (it will hurt without bruising easily; seems to be the perfect, God-ordained spot).
    8. Take time for reconciliation (the parent should forgive, embrace the child, and put the issue to rest).
    9. Require the child to make restitution (asking for forgiveness and going back to practice what is right).

3 comments:

Theophilus said...

I like that little Bun-meter on the side of the blog. can I get one?

I appreciate these manly lists with bullets and right-to-the-point applications. For the record, I put down the Ginger Plowman book when she talked about how sitting on the potty without being interrupted was a small victory in motherhood. I just wasn't relating.

Anonymous said...

YAY! I cannot wait to read this book. Just your notes on your blog makes me excited....especially about the rod. You will find when BUN is a toddler, you will come in contact with MANY people that do not believe in biblical discipline. Love ya!! Jenn

Anonymous said...

So glad to see your desire for writing come to fruition. Keep it up! You have a great gift for summarizing...by the way I bought this book. Oh...and Ben, one day you will claim that "alone potty time is a victory". But you don't have to know that now...in due time! Say maybe a year and a half!;) Michele